I’m Having an Affair

November 06, 2015

There. It’s out there! And I intend to keep having it. Forever!

I am having a love affair with my life! It is said that spice is the zest of life. I can think of no better spice than a love affair with life. A love so deep and pure that it transcends the ordinary and becomes the extraordinary!

I thought I was in love before. I had those feelings; the ones I had heard others speak of. You know, heart racing, sweaty palms, and all consuming thoughts about one person. It was fun, but I mistook it for a real love, the kind others write about.

Today I know that the kind of love I was searching for was the kind that grabs your heart, your soul, your being. It is all consuming. Much the same kind of love a new, tired mom experiences when looking at her sleeping angelic child. Her heart overflows with adoration and with an almost unbelievable love.

You see, I’m not just speaking of romantic love, but rather a love of life and all that is holds. One that encompasses all areas of life: dreams, joy, tears and success.

Of course, I have always loved my children and now my grandchildren. How could I not? They are perfect in every way (says the proud Mama, of two children and one bonus child when I remarried and formed a blended family).

But I was too afraid to be truly in love with my life, and to let myself love openly – with no holding back. I had become trapped in a cycle of wanting love, and being in love feeling envy, resentment and jealously. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy that I was unable to receive true love. In 2007 everything changed with the revelation that I, too, was worthy of true love. Wow, to think I lived 46 years in lack, and fear. Crazy!

Fear had held me back for too long. Fear is a BIG fat liar and a thief that can consume our very being.

Recently my love affair with life was tested when Cancer and loss of life moved into our home. Both can crush a soul, knock us to our knees, suffocate the joy and zest for life.

My wonderful, generous and kind-hearted husband who served as a firefighter for 30 years was diagnosed with cancer in July. Things were very bleak for a while, but instead of shutting down and bolting, I raised my hand and asked for help. I received with an open heart as the best hearts of others stood beside us. What a different journey it has been. Here is a snippet of what has happened.

This time I knew better. I knew no matter the outcome I was in love, and that love was MUCH stronger than envy, jealously, resentment and fear. Oh, I had bleak moments and lots of them! But I knew what life holds when we let it be and release what we cannot control.

Recently one of my beautiful children said “mom you love everyone”. Now that was a compliment and one I will hold in my heart forever! So I declare publically this love affair with life, and all it holds for me will continue.

If you’re not in love with you or your life, I want you know that it’s never too late to live the life you dream.If I can do it, so can you.